OH GOLLY.

i really really want to believe my life's going to go somewhere. i really want to believe i'm here for an actual reason. but i don't really see a future for myself, to be blunt. i'm not saying that to be melodramatic. i'm saying it honestly. i want to change and i want to evolve and i want, more than anything, just to be plain old happy. but i feel like i constrict myself. i'm hardly ever truely happy. like i said. when i went to see courtney love last night, that was literally the happiest that i have felt in years. I DIDN'T EVEN MEET HER. SHE HAS NO KNOWLEGDE OF MY EXISTENCE, YET IT CHEERED ME UP MORE THAN ANY FAMILY MEMBER / FRIEND HAS MANAGED TO.

i decided that i'm gonna bring an end to my incessant neurosis and just fucking FLIP A COIN. yes, you read correctly. i'm going to flip this here coin (incase you care, it's a penny) and it's going to decide my future. it's going to decide what it is i'm gonna be doing (up until the summer at least).

so, yes, dear Penny, my whole world is in your hands.

(flashback: courtney love last night singing that and reaching her hands out & me mimicking each move, without any real reason to, just because i felt compelled. i adore that woman so completely.)

okay, so anyway, back to present topics!!

heads = do the IT zenos course
tails = stay on the media course

yeah. i'm about to flip it. just in a second.

(my heart's beating fast.)

oh by the way i can't actually flip a coin, so i'm gonna throw it in the air.


.........

........

........


heads.