lonliness.

mostly i think everybody in the world is totally alone. i mean, you never share yourself a hundred percent with anyone else. so therefore, you're alone. right? i don't know. i think i'm half terrified of everyone else. and the other half is split 50/50 with love and hatred for them. i'm far too compassionate so it's hard for me to be around people sometimes.

non-human things are the best things in the world probably. but humans also keep me grounded and make me feel a lot less of a freak than i am.

i'm going to change myself i think. i think i want to be two people. to have two different forms of existence. i almost want to have two bodies to control, and lead them down two completely adjacent paths. it's crazy! i don't think i'm going to be alive for all that long. when everything gets hopeless and stale to the point where i can't take it anymore i'll go. it may be 25 years, it may be 30, may be 40-odd. who knows. i just know it's going to happen!

i'm a solopsist. i just don't really believe anything's real ultimately. this isn't my first nor my last form of existence. i just feel apart from everything. i just repeat myself all the time. i'm just so boring! it's okay though. my brain can handle it for now.

my emotions can handle it, i should say. (and again, i should say, FOR NOW!)

i don't think i want to have babies. they scare me so much.