i don't think i'm ever gonna be that girl. the girl with a million friends on her facebook/mobile. the girl that counts down the days till friday/saturday just to go out and attract as much attention from the opposite sex just because she can. i think i'm kind of happy about that, though.
whenever i go out socializing (at night events), i always get drunk. not because i find it fun. i hate alcohol. it tastes disguisting. it makes me an idiot. and the day after it makes me eat too much. but it leaves me uninhibited. i just drink because i need to make myself looser. almost dumber. it's queer. i would never drink alone. ever.
i get paranoid people are gonna leave me. i think that's a big problem. if i think someone's going to hurt me i want to hurt them first. i hate relinquishing power like that. if someone wants to break a friendship with me i'll break it first. if someone's leaving something i'll do it first. i don't want anyone to know they have power over me, maybe. i don't know. i psychoanalyze myself all the time. it's ridiculous. & yet i know myself SO LITTLE that it's also ridiculous.
No comments:
Post a Comment